This is really an odd thing for me. Instead of journaling my revelations going into 2019, I am writing it here on the blog. Raw, real and I suppose vulnerable too.
It’s a brand new year and I as usual, social media is bursting at the seams with New Year intentions, goals, upleveling, letting go of, etc from pretty much everyone. I love to read some of my fave peeps reflections on the past year and what they are looking to move toward in the year to come.
But how far have I come and where am I going?
I turned to some of my journals to see where I thought I would be headed in my life journey.
Every year I decide I want to feel fit, healthy and happy. Pretty standard stuff. But the thing that struck me the most looking over say Dec 2017 to Feb 2018 was that I was obsessed with trying to find a way to create an online presence, create a business of some sort (either through blogging or essential oils).
I was trying to hone in on my ICA (Ideal Customer Avatar) for my (other) blog and oils. I was trying to dissipate limiting beliefs around money, being seen, and that I had to get out of my comfort zone if I was to have any breakthroughs.
I was trying to work a social media strategy, and engage in Facebook groups (my own and others I was a member of) to make connections. Throughout 2018 I was creating and posting some videos and online presentations, all the while trying to maintain some level of health and wellness, and give my loved ones enough attention.
In the end I ended up run down and sick. I actually felt like I hadn’t gotten anywhere on my wellness/spiritual/health journey and had a bit of an identity crisis going on (around October/November).
Everything felt inauthentic.
Looking back it feels like I was trying to create a dream or idea that may have been borrowed and not my own. I may have had a serious case of “Shiny Object Syndrome”.
I had surrounded myself with people (lovely people) who were entrepreneurs, or leaders, or qualified professionals and perhaps their drive and hustle was conditioning me to think I needed to do that too.
I don’t really know.
What I read in my journal though was that I wanted to have a successful, abundant business to allow my family to flourish and pursue all of their interests instead of choosing just one.
But it hit me. Maybe money isn’t really what I need to allow my family to flourish. Maybe it is Energy (like stamina, strength, vitality kind of energy). If I have a good level of fitness and energy I can be more involved and willing to get in there with my kids and encourage, set up, play with them, and facilitate a space that they can express their creativity or learning. Plus all of the things they want to pursue they are already doing. They don’t want full afternoons, more to do. They want space and quietness to do their own unstructured things.
If money wasn’t an issue
I always read this question when wanting to find your purpose in life:
“If money wasn’t and issue what would you do?”
But for me a more potent question would be:
“If energy wasn’t an issue what would you do?”
I realised that all of the things I really want to do, whilst some requires more money (like a trip to England), everything else (including that dream of a trip to England), requires me to feel energetic. Without fitness and health, money wouldn’t be all that useful.
I feel pretty abundant anyway. I have an amazing little family. I have the time to actually focus on my fitness and health. I have a lovely home and backyard. I live close to my Mum. I live close to the ocean and the countryside (which I love). I have access to good food, water, entertainment, a car. I can walk (even though it is hard with Charcot Marie Tooth Disease). I am thankful, grateful and am amazed every single day that we are here on this planet in this universe (which is unfathomably humongous). Everyday I am amazed at the human body and how it works (the brain, cells, organs, consciousness).
Even though I have a disease that is genetic and my genetic code has a glitch, I am amazed at how it all works. I know my body is incredible, that it has so many intricate things going on, and I am so grateful of what my hands and feet are doing for me despite some of their nerves being damaged.
I am in awe a lot of the time.
I am already rich and abundant.
A New Year, A New Chapter
I feel like 2019 is a completely clean slate. Looking back at the lessons of last year and letting go of a few ideas (borrowed?) that I was fixated on, has left me feeling clearer. I know what is important to me, where I want to focus my attention, and who I really am at the core. I feel like I have woken up.
My intentions for 2019 are:
- Pursuing more energy (this to me is the currency to living a life of quality).
- Exploration (trying things, going places, engaging in the world).
- Remembering that the people I am here to inspire and have an impact is first and foremost my family.
- Prioritise health, fitness and creativity in my home (for myself and family).
There will probably be others, and the ones I have listed may evolve. But I think this is a good start.