Self Compassion – It’s okay not to feel okay

It’s okay not be okay. It’s okay not to feel okay. You don’t need to give yourself a hard time for anything. Show yourself compassion. Forgive. Love.

When did we become so separated? Our hearts, mind and body? Why are we so cruel to ourselves for feeling emotions? Why do we punish and bully ourselves when we don’t meet our high perfectionist standards? Why do we feel unworthy when we have made a mistake?

Why can we so easily love those closest to us, and forgive and accept them before we can love, forgive and accept ourselves. Why are we toughest on ourselves?

Maybe it’s to protect ourselves from the outside world? When we tell ourselves we didn’t do a good job, or aren’t good enough, or bullying ourselves about our appearance, could it be to protect us? If we say it first, then we can’t be hurt by others? Or maybe it’s to stop us from stepping out into the world where we risk criticism and rejection?

Perhaps they are beliefs from what we were told when we were little? A truth that we have lived with for as long as can remember?

Wherever it stems from (and I am sure it is different for everyone), let’s take a step back and see how all this self-inflicted cruelty is not what’s best for us.

This internal war does not help us create healthy, happy, joyful lives.

Our heart and soul are like innocent, small children, and our ego a controlling authority figure. The ego thinks it is keeping you safe, but doesn’t realise that it is hurting the heart and soul at the same time. As it keeps us from taking leaps and risks in our dream-chasing, (in case we get hurt if it doesn’t work out), it raises fear and lowers self-worth.

Just like small children, our heart and our soul must be nurtured to flourish. It requires a soft, supportive space where they can just be and just feel. No judgement. No harsh words. No disapproval. Just care, safety and unconditional love.

Our hearts and our bodies need to feel the emotions within them. Emotions flow like waves and we need to allow them to wash over us and fade. When we are quick to judge ourselves or berate ourselves, we quickly squash those feelings way down within us so we don’t get a chance to actually feel them and process them. They become stuck and stagnant in the body.

Each and every time we say we aren’t good enough, we reinforce this belief. Then we try to not feel the hurt we inflict upon ourselves. Instead we seek the external world to make us feel better or distract us from that cruel voice in our head. This may work temporarily, but not in the long run.

We think we need to be perfect, on-point and succeeding to even think about approving of ourselves (and approval by the way is such and ego related word).

But we don’t need to be “perfect” and we don’t need self-approval. We need self-love and self-compassion.

It is okay not to be okay. It is okay to be going through a tough time, and it is okay to allow the space to feel sad, emotional (or whatever it is you need to feel). We must support ourselves through this with an open mind and heart, and leave the judgement behind. Judgement doesn’t help us heal. Love does.

Self-compassion does not mean we are being victim-y (made up word?). Victimhood involves blame (and judgement) and self-compassion is not that at all. Self-compassion involves love and acceptance.

Perhaps some people avoid being compassionate with themselves because they feel as though it means they are feeling sorry for themselves (and that’s perceived as a negative things in our world). But I don’t see anything wrong with empathy and sympathy for ourselves, especially if we so freely give this to others.

From the inside out we must become aware of how toxic this separation and bullying within us really is. It may be invisible, but it is real and powerful, and it doesn’t help us thrive.

Even as I write this post, I feel a sense of heaviness within. For me this is a sad and hurtful topic to write about. I physically hurt when I see my loved ones be so mean about themselves. My children – my young girls – they already say mean things about themselves at times.

I have gone through some big shifts since becoming more self-compassionate. I feel more whole and in harmony. I judge myself a lot less. I show myself kindness, and I create space to feel what I need to feel rather than pushing it away.  It feels so much lighter, and I feel an increase in self-belief.

Self-compassion brings a sense harmony within us. It brings us back together as a whole person. I believe everything works better when there is harmony.

So please, I ask you to really look at how you speak to yourself. What are the words and beliefs that you keep reinforcing to yourself? I ask that you nurture your feelings, and you heart. Please allow space for you to feel what you need to feel, and to let judgement and conditions fall away.