Who am I to ignore myself? That inner, deep down self? Who am I to hide the real me, and show the world someone I am not, or just a tiny part of me? Why would I think that others want me to pretend to be someone I am not? Why wouldn’t they want to meet and know the real me?
I run out of energy so easily. I am an introvert, so I need alone time to recharge, recalibrate. The world drains me.
My flavour of introversion means I get particularly overwhelmed and drained if I need to organise systems and people. I used to hate the fact I would try and set up a routine and not be able to stick to it. I hate having commitments. It makes me feel trapped and held down. I like spaciousness and freedom to do what I feel like doing.
It’s funny how the dots join together when looking back on your journal or old blog posts.
Today I was looking through some old posts I wrote (from one of my old blogs), and found one in particular that jumped out at me and made me chuckle to myself in an “aha” moment kind of way.
As an introvert I could live inside my head forever and only access my outer world as minimally as possible. My inner world is so rich, big, and exciting. I love to check in with myself and pinpoint how I am feeling and why. I love it.
My main, primary cognitive function is called Intoverted Feeling. I make all my decisions based on how I feel and my values. I love that this is my main function. It has made it easy over the past few years to do all the thing the wellness peeps recommend; stay still, go inwards, meditate, journal, get clear on how you feel. For me this was fairly easy peasy. I am in my element when I am in my Inrtoverted Feeling mode.
After stumbling across Personality Hacker, an amazing website/podcast on personality types and personal growth, I discovered that for my personality type (INFP if you are wondering) this “problem” of wanting to delve into a million ideas is actually normal. Big sigh of relief!
An introvert, in basic drilled down terms, is someone whose “real world” is their inner world. They generally need time to themselves to re-calibrate as the outer world can be tiring to them.